Tired.... Of Waiting.

I am not as physically tired as I am emotionally tired. Long, premature engagements are hard. I have absolutely no bad things to say about my relationship or fiance, and I really wouldn't have anything be different. However, waiting for the ability to get married is straining. What are we waiting for? Who else but Money.

We are young, neither of us have our degrees yet, and we are trying desperately to fill the hole our parents' money problems have left. Both of us are very traditional and aren't living together. I am bound to my parent's house(s) until my wonderful fiance is able to support me. It's hard being apart from someone you love and not being able to be with them every moment that you want them to be there.

Again, I wouldn't want it any other way. I thank God for every moment and every year we grow up together; but I just wish I could see the end of the tunnel of engagement and have the bright valley of marriage open before us. We want to be together and to have our own space where we build and grow together.

Like a fool (yes, please laugh if you wish), I had put a lot of hope in that stupid sweepstakes HGTV hosts every year. The Dream House give away. You get a gorgeous house, $500,000 and a new GMC SUV. I had entered twice a day for a month and half in the hopes that the simple selection of my name would put a lot of our troubles behind us. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be. The show will air tomorrow as they ambush the winner, and drag you the viewer through a tour of this spectacular house as you sit there, sobbing and wringing your heart, cursing the lucky bastard who won. I figured they had to have filmed the winner earlier that day or in the week, and after checking the website, the winner was contacted on Monday. Needless to say, I was not contacted.

I could sit here and believe that 'No one really wins those things.' I could also believe and accept that some one did... and it wasn't me. So, whoever you are, Congratulations. I hope that all those prizes will help you in your life as much as it would have helped in mine. :(